Choosing Joy at Christmas

Christmas has always, always been my favorite time of year. I have so many great memories of Christmases as a child - setting up and decorating the tree with the whole family, "twinkle tours" where our family would pack into the car and drive around looking at light displays, tobogganing and skating with friends over Christmas break, gathering with my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins on Boxing Day for a feast and the annual cousin gift exchange, and of course, the food.

As a child, I didn't have to worry about preparing for Christmas - it was all just done for me and I got to enjoy it. My mom did all the cooking and baking, my dad hauled up the boxes from the basement and hung the lights outside, someone else bought the gifts and wrapped them.

But as I've gotten older, Christmas has changed. It's become a lot more work, and sometimes, a lot more stress. Everyone is so busy, so rushed, so stressed - even more so than normal at Christmas time, it seems. The stores are packed and I almost dread going to the mall at this time of year. There are gifts to buy, goodies to be made, trees and lights to be set up, and parties to go to. It's hard not to get caught up in it all.

But often the busyness of Christmas leaves us with very little time to slow down and relax, to take a break and enjoy the people we love, and most importantly, to stop and think and reflect on what it all means. It seems like all the work we put into Christmas often ends up robbing us of the joy of Christmas.

I already struggle during the other 11 months of the year with resisting our society's need to be busy all the time. It seems that being busy is necessary in order to be seen as successful, important, and having a meaningful life. This is true year-round, and it only increases at Christmas.

I know that this will become more of a struggle and a balancing act for me as my daughter gets older and starts to understand what's going on. I want to do what I can to make Christmas fun and exciting and magical for her, like it was for me as a kid. But something will have to give. I refuse to allow busyness and the stress of the season to take away the joy and wonder of Christmas for me and my family. We do have a choice. We don't have to attend every party, participate in every tradition, or buy all the latest toys and gifts. We can (and will) intentionally choose only those things that bring the most joy (not only to ourselves, but to others as well), cause us to reflect and wonder about the true meaning of Christmas, and bring us together as a family. I'm not exactly sure what it will look like yet, but I want to make sure that part of our family's Christmas tradition through the years includes creating space for relaxation and rest, enjoying simple pleasures, quiet reflection, and, of course, celebration of the reason for it all.

Just a Teeny, Tiny Bit

     We had a pretty crazy week over here. It started last Saturday when Tessa seemed to be coming down with a cold. By Sunday afternoon she had a fever that lasted until Tuesday night. On Thursday morning, she woke up with a rash on her belly which, by Friday morning, had spread to her back, neck and parts of her face. All this during the biggest measles outbreak in our area in 16 years! Talk about panic, paranoia, worry, anxiety, fear...you name it, I felt it last week.

My heart breaks a little every time I see this picture...so sad to see her so sick!

     I've always been a worrier, long before I was a mom. I remember as a kid and teenager sometimes laying awake for hours at night thinking about one of my parents dying or me getting some terrible illness. When we first brought Tessa home from the hospital I had many anxious moments, mostly at night, where I would imagine something terrible happening to her, my husband, or me. If I let it, my imagination can run pretty wild with all kinds of what-ifs and awful scenarios. I've lost a LOT of sleep over the years due to worry, and now that I'm a mom, I expect my worry to continue to be just as bad, if not worse.

     And as I thought about it last week while caring for my sick daughter with the constant worry of measles running through my mind, I think I came to the conclusion that maybe a teeny tiny bit of worry is ok. Just a teeny tiny bit. Here's why:

• The reason I worry is because I care. I don't know if it's possible to be a parent without worrying, at least on occasion. We love our children more than anything and want only what's best for them. Obviously, we don't need worry to prove this to ourselves or anyone else, but I think worry (in small doses) is a good indicator that we deeply care about something.
• It keeps me alert and attentive. I can't count how many times I checked Tessa's temperature or looked her over for a rash last week (ok, maybe I was bordering on obsessive). I was on high alert and nothing was going to get by me. I think a little bit of worry keeps us on our toes and makes us sit up and pay attention to what's going on with our kids.
• It motivates us to action to control the things we CAN control. Why do we install locks on cupboards and put up baby gates at the top of the stairs? Because we worry about our kids getting hurt. When our kids get older, why do we teach them not to talk to weirdos at the park? Because we worry, so we do whatever we can to hopefully prevent bad things from happening.

     Of course, I know that God commands us not to worry (Matt. 6:25-34, Phil. 4:6-7), so I want to do my best to obey that and let go of my worry. But I think God also knows that, as humans, we're prone to worry. We're so quick to let the worries of life overshadow His love and goodness. That's why we're also told to give our worries to Him (Matt. 11:28-30, 1 Peter 5:7). Maybe He knows that, as humans, we're unable to fully let go of worry, all the time...that occasionally (or regularly, if you're me) it creeps back in, so He gives us a way out.

     What's the number one response I get when I tell someone I'm worried about something? "Don't worry". My husband has to tell me ALL.THE.TIME. to not worry about something or other. But, since I've never in my life been able to find the worry switch, much less turn it off, I think maybe a better response is "Don't over-worry". I think it's ok, and completely normal, to worry about things. Of course, if you're one of those people who can actually stop it, great. If you're like me and can't seem do that, it's important to learn how to manage your worry and keep it in check. Out-of-control, irrational, crippling worry is not healthy for anyone, but I think maybe, just maybe, a teeny, tiny bit of worry, kept under control and channeled in the right direction, can actually be helpful.

    I don't know, am I completely out to lunch on this? How do others deal with worry?

L-O-V-E

     The first assignment for this year's Compassion Blog Month is the following question:

If you could go back and give your childhood self a little advice, what would it be?

     I thought about it for quite a while. It's so hard to narrow it down to just one or two things. I also tried to look at it from the perspective of a mom and tried to think of some of the things I want to teach my daughter...again, there's SO MUCH!!

      Of course, there are the obvious things that every parent wants for their child - Be confident. Be kind to others. Be honest. Don't be afraid to try new things and make mistakes. Don't worry so much about what people think. And so on....

    But, as I continued to think about this over the past few days, one word kept coming back to me over and over:

 

    
     I want my life and the lives of my children to be characterized by love. And I don't mean fluffy, feel-good, fairy-tale, puppy love. Real love - the kind that makes you do things for others you might not otherwise do. The kind that requires sacrifice and is sometimes really, really hard.

     This is the way that we are loved by God - with a perfect, self-sacrificing, unstoppable, unconditional love. There's no way that we, as imperfect humans, can consistently emulate this kind of love, but we can sure make it our goal and strive to show this kind of love to others as often as our imperfect, selfish hearts allow.

     So, if there's one thing I would go back and tell my childhood self, and if there's one thing I want my daughter to know more than anything else, it's this: You are loved beyond anything you can imagine by the God of the universe, even when you don't deserve it. Love Him back with everything you are. And then take that love and share it with others, yourself included.

     We have so many opportunities to love others if we're really looking for them. One way is by sponsoring a child through Compassion. We are blessed with warm, safe homes, more than enough food and clothing, and almost everything we could ever want. Would you consider sharing from your abundance, opening up your heart and loving a child through sponsorship?

     Click here to get started today...

Attitude Adjustments

So much changes when a baby joins a family, but I think some of the biggest changes of all have been in me (which I am most grateful for!).

1 - Patience

     I've never been a very patient person. Not so much in the sense that I hate waiting for things, but more that I get impatient and quickly annoyed with people when they do things that irritate me. I think this is one of my biggest character flaws and one that I know I need to work on.
     Having a baby has definitely forced me to be more patient (and hopefully not only with her, but with others too). When she is having a hard time going to sleep or is crying for some unknown reason, I don't very often find myself getting frustrated with her, which has come as a surprise to me. For some reason (maybe it's just because I'm her mom) I find it easy to be patient with her (I'm guessing this might change once we hit toddlerhood...haha), whether it's helping her get to sleep, holding her and rocking her while she cries, or putting up with her endless squealing as she learns how to use her voice. I truly hope that this more patient attitude will transfer over to my other relationships as well.

2 - Babies aren't convenient

     We live in a world that is obsessed with convenience and ease, and it can be a bit of a rude awakening when we realize that babies have their own schedules that sometimes require us to adjust our own plans. For the most part, we've been blessed with an extremely easygoing baby. It also helps that we're both the kind of people who prefer to be at home rather than out, but when we do go out, we quickly learned that a simple outing now requires a bit more planning than it used to. Not only do you have to remember to bring more stuff (diapers, wipes, soother, extra change of clothes, etc), but often the timing of outings has to be coordinated around feeding and nap times. This has definitely improved as our baby has gotten older and as we've become better adjusted to life as parents of a baby, but in those early days, it was often just easier to stay home, which sometimes meant giving up things we wanted to do.
     We also now need to consider someone else's needs before our own when making plans and sometimes that means plans get put on hold or abandoned altogether. I was out doing some errands when Tessa was about 3 or 4 weeks old. I had already been to the grocery store and she was doing great so I decided to make a quick stop at Costco. We were in the store and I already had a few things in my cart when she woke up and decided she was DONE with shopping NOW. She didn't even give me any warning, just went straight from sleeping peacefully to screaming bloody murder. I did what any other brand new 3-week-old mom would do in the middle of Costco with a screaming, inconsolable baby - I panicked. I left my cart right where it was, took my baby and got out of that store as fast as I could. I felt terrible that I had tried to cram one more thing in, because I was already on that end of town and it was convenient for me, not giving much thought to how much my newborn baby could take. Of course, I don't mean to imply that life stops when a baby comes along, but it does take on a whole new dimension - one that is hopefully much less self-centered.
    

3 - I GET to do this - not I HAVE to.

     I have heard about and personally know people who have lost babies, either to miscarriage, stillbirth, or illness. I also know people who have struggled with getting pregnant and being uncertain if they would even be able to have a biological child of their own. I don't pretend to know what these parents have been through, but I have a sneaking suspicion that anyone who has lost a child or is struggling to have a child would give anything to have a sleepless night with a baby of their own.
     In my early weeks as a mom, I read a fabulous book that pointed out that there are no guarantees in life. There is no guarantee that we will have more children, and for that matter, there is also no guarantee that we will have tomorrow or next week with Tessa. This was a wake-up call for me when I read it, and helped to shift my mindset from "I have to..." to "I get to..." Instead of being irritated when I had to get up at 3am, I now found myself feeling grateful that I had the opportunity to do so. I began cherishing those middle-of-the-night feedings, and even though I still don't enjoy being tired, I count it a blessing that I GET to be tired because I am fortunate enough to have a precious baby to care for.


     These are just three examples of some of the major changes that have taken place in my heart since Tessa joined our family. We've both done a lot of growing these past 6 months. I am so grateful to God for the gift that she is and for His refining work in my life through her in this new season. I pray that He will continue to use her to shape me into something beautiful in His sight.