Tessa at Two

Two years ago today, we welcomed you, Tessa, into our family. I can hardly believe we're already celebrating your second birthday.
  

You bring us so much joy and we can't imagine life and our family without you in it. You are funny, silly, weird, smart, and so sweet. I'm excited to watch you continue to grow and learn even more this year.

This year has been a big one for you. You learned to walk, went to daycare while mommy went back to work, moved to a new house, flew on a plane, and, biggest of all, became a big sister. You continue to amaze us with how easygoing you are and how quickly and smoothly you adapt to changes. You're cautious at first, especially around people and things that are unfamiliar, but once you warm up and are comfortable, you are the sweetest, funniest, and silliest little girl, and everyone around can't help but watch you and smile. You make so many people happy.

  Your dad and I are constantly amazed at how smart you are. You have a HUGE vocabulary and you speak in full sentences. You are very good at communicating what you want, and you usually remember your manners..."meese" and "tanks" or "tank you". You love reading stories and have many of your books memorized. You're getting pretty good at colors and shapes, and you know a few of your numbers. You love to color and play with playdough and it's so much fun watching your imagination come out. You are curious, creative, and clever and I hope I can always encourage those traits in you.

Photo credit Kathy Knelsen

You are such a sweet and loving little girl. You love your baby sister and always make sure to give her a kiss, a "nosey", and a hug before bed. You tell her "shhh" and "ok, Bylet" when she's crying. You rock her carseat when we're getting ready to go out the door and she's not happy being strapped in. I love the way you pay attention to her feelings and look out for her. I can't wait to see how your relationship grows in the coming years. And, of course, I absolutely love hearing "wub you, mommy".

Tessa, I love being your mommy. You are a gift and a blessing to us every day. You have taught me so much in two short years...about life and about myself. I hope and pray that I can always be the mama you need and deserve. I can't wait to see even more of who you become this year.

I love you forever...
Mommy

A Little Avocado...

This is a little strange, signing back into my Blogger account after over 3 months away! It's been a nice little break from blogging...life has been busy with working part time and I just haven't found the time to get any writing done. I've also felt like I haven't had much to say these past few months, and didn't want to write posts just for the sake of writing posts, so that's why it's been so quiet around here.

And the biggest reason for my disappearance is that we've been busy trying to sell our house and buy a new one and all that goes along with that. We need more space since baby #2 will be making his or her appearance sometime in November!

If you follow me on Instagram you've probably already seen this picture, but I wanted to put it on the blog too, since I'll be starting some pregnancy update posts in the next few weeks...which means I need to start taking some bump pictures! I can't believe we're already past the 17 week mark...this pregnancy is FLYING by! Our ultrasound will be in a little over 2 weeks and we're so excited to see this new little one.

So far this pregnancy has been quite similar to Tessa's, except that I'm finding that some symptoms have started earlier and in some cases are much worse than the first time. I've heard that's pretty common. For me, the nausea & sickness started about 3 weeks earlier than it did with Tessa and has been much, MUCH worse. I've also started to have some slight hip and pelvic discomfort that I didn't get until later with Tessa, as well as nasal congestion that I didn't get until the last 8 weeks or so last time around. And of course, I'm bigger than I was at this stage last time. But other than that I'm feeling pretty good and am so excited to be a part of bringing another life into this world.

17 weeks - excuse the terrible picture!

Life as a Working Mom

Well, I've officially been a working mom for 6 weeks, and as you can tell by the complete lack of posting on my blog, it's been BUSY! Busy, but good. We've managed to find a new routine and it seems to be working out well. I'm so fortunate and thankful that I'm only working part-time (2 days/week), so I still get to be at home with Tessa the other three weekdays and on weekends. It's really the perfect balance for right now.

The first few weeks were definitely a challenge with trying to figure out how to get all of us out the door by 7:30am, having to leave Tessa at the dayhome crying, and trying to keep up with all the other errands and chores that still need to be done with two fewer days a week to do them.

Our morning routine is working out nicely. I get up first, around 6am, get myself completely ready to go, then get Tessa up just before 7 and get her ready. For the most part it's worked perfectly, except for the odd morning when she wakes up too early and I'm not quite ready yet. It also helps immensely to have everything laid out and ready to go the night before. This is what our hallway and kitchen counter look like the night before a work day:

Tessa had a few rough days at her dayhome in the beginning, including one day when she cried almost all day. It was the day after a rough night, so she was really tired. For her to be tired at home is one thing, but to be tired in a new, unfamiliar environment is a whole different ball game. The mom guilt hit me hard that day. I felt so bad for both her and the caregiver, and felt like I was making a huge mistake by being back at work. Thankfully, that turned out to be an isolated incident, and she's done very well since. She doesn't even cry anymore when I drop her off in the morning, which is bittersweet for me. I'm happy that she's happy there, but sad that she's growing up and becoming more independent.

Tessa got to sponge paint for the first time at the dayhome. First artwork for the fridge!

And as for keeping up around the house, well, it's going ok. I've never claimed to be the world's greatest housekeeper, so it doesn't bother me too much if things get left undone at times (for example, our kitchen & dining room floor is TERRIBLE right now - I should probably be doing that instead of writing this! Haha!). But I do know that I need to make myself some kind of schedule so I make sure the things that MUST get done are getting done. I also need to work on using my time at home as efficiently as possible and prioritizing to keep this place somewhat liveable.

Our living room often looks like a bomb went off

Tessa's room on laundry day (it doesn't stay like this!!)

Yes, life has been a little crazy these past 6 weeks as we've settled into our new normal. Life as a working mom is definitely hard, but I wouldn't say it's any harder or easier than being a full time stay at home mom (although I can't imagine how the full time working mamas do it! Hats off to you!). It's just different. They both have their own unique challenges. I came across this post on Facebook - it's written as two letters - one from a SAHM to a working mom, and vice versa. Having been on both sides, I think it perfectly sums up the challenges that each one faces. There's no need to argue over who has it harder. We're all moms, we just need to support each other at whatever place in life we're at.

A {late} Birthday Post

Dear Tessa,

I can hardly believe that your first year has come and gone. You have grown and changed and learned so much in these 365 days, it's amazing.

I remember your birth day like it was just last week - I suppose it's a day I'll never forget. I was up most of the night with contractions, wondering if you were really coming. It didn't take long before I knew for sure and we headed to the hospital during a snowstorm to meet you. You came quickly...you almost didn't want to wait for the doctor to arrive before you made your appearance.

I remember the first few days and nights at home. You didn't want to sleep at all at night - Dad and I would take turns rocking you into the wee hours of the morning until you finally relaxed and settled to sleep, right next to us - sometimes right in bed with us. Those days and nights were long and hard, but they were still precious because we had you.

I remember our early struggles with feeding. You lost too much weight because we had trouble nursing. We tried everything, eventually feeding you some formula to get you the nutrients you needed to grow. I'm so glad we persevered and got help. Even though I was exhausted and discouraged and felt like all I did was feed and pump those first few weeks, it was worth it to see you thriving now.

Tessa, you're only one year old, but already you've taught me so much and changed me in so many ways - you have no idea, and you probably never will.

I'm amazed by you every day. I love watching you grow and learn, seeing you explore and discover your world, and getting to know you better as you get older and more of your personality shows. You are joyful, sweet, funny, smart, curious, and independent.

 

I've loved each different stage and milestone you've gone through over the past year - from holding your head up, to rolling over, to sitting up, to eating your first solid food, to crawling and babbling and dancing. Each stage brings something new and exciting and it just keeps getting better. I now know why moms always say that whatever stage their baby is currently at is their favorite stage. I know we have so much fun ahead of us, but I don't want to rush you, I just want to enjoy right now with you.

 

So thanks for this amazing year you've given us. Thanks for challenging us, teaching us, and changing us. Thanks for lighting up our days and bringing so much joy into our lives. We love you so much and can't imagine our lives without you.

Love always,

Mama

Time for Some Tough Love

A few months ago, I wrote about my journey in coming to accept my post-baby body. I struggled with it for a little while, then when I recognized and reminded myself of what my body had just accomplished through pregnancy, labor, and the birth of my daughter, it became pretty easy for me to be more gentle on myself and to accept my new shape.

That was a good thing - for a while. It was what I needed as I recovered from childbirth, adjusted to life with a newborn, and found my rhythm as a mom. I gave myself a much needed break and lowered my expectations for myself - which is what I think all new moms need to do - at least for a while.

I've found, though, that I've continued to maintain the same lowered expectations for myself in terms of health and wellness, even though I know (and have known for a while) that it's time to start picking up the slack. It's not a bad thing to go easy on yourself for a while, if it's what's needed, but that should only be temporary and not become the new normal. Yes, I needed a short period where I gave myself grace and gentleness, where I allowed myself to focus on other things. But now I can see that it's gotten to the point where I'm maybe being a little too gentle on myself, and have allowed myself to neglect my own health and created (or continued) some not-so-healthy habits. It's one thing to go easy on yourself for a season - it's another thing entirely to use that as an excuse to be lazy and undisciplined and not take care of yourself, which is what it's become for me.

Like I said in my previous post, I was able to quickly get to a place of acceptance and even appreciation for my new post-baby shape and I've managed to return to my pre-pregnancy weight without much effort. But I know that I could be doing much, much better with my eating habits and exercise routine (which is completely non-existent). For me, it's not so much about weight loss or looking a certain way as it is about overall good health and wellness and feeling good about the choices I make.

So, having said all that, (and I know I'm a little late on the New Year's resolution/goal post, but this is something I've been thinking about for a while and have already started working on), my biggest goal for myself this year is to be as healthy as I can be. That means making a conscious effort to make healthy choices with my diet as well as starting (and maintaining) some sort of physical activity routine.

One of the worst areas for me is my love for sweets and my terrible snacking habits, especially when I'm home all day. It's way too easy to reach for something unhealthy and I've let it go for too long. This, along with getting moving, is the first area I'm going to tackle. I've come up with a plan and a list of healthy snack choices that I'll look too when I feel the need to snack. I've decided that I'm going to limit myself to just one snack time a day - a set time where I can have a healthy snack - instead of just randomly, mindlessly grazing on junk through the day. Tessa is at an age where she is watching me closely and noticing what I'm doing - I do NOT want her learning my unhealthy habits and thinking that they can become hers too.

Snack options - this is now hanging on the fridge.

The other area that needs improvement is exercise. We bought a treadmill on a Boxing Day sale and are waiting for it to come, so my plan is to start a regular walking routine and work my way up to some jogging/running. I guess the silver lining for me is that I don't have far to go to improve - any amount of physical activity will be an improvement from where I'm currently at.

I don't want to become obsessive or legalistic about these things, but I know myself and I know that if I don't have some kind of plan and steps to take, nothing will happen. I know there will be days that I'll eat poorly or skip my workout, and that's not the end of the world - it takes work, discipline, and self control to break habits. And, like I said earlier, I'm pretty good at being gentle on myself - I'm now going to save that gentleness for the days I mess up, paired with a healthy dose of strictness to make sure I get right back on track the next day. As long as I can make healthy choices the majority of the time and work my way to having this become the new normal, I'm happy.

Preparing Baby for Daycare

One week from now, I’ll be dropping my baby off at her dayhome for the first time and heading off to work. Obviously, I have very mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I think it’ll be nice to get out of the house (by myself) two days a week, be around adults all day, and get back to using my skills and training. As much as I love being at home full time with my daughter, I think having a bit of a break from her (and her from me) might not be all bad. At the same time, I love being a stay at home mom and will be sad to leave my daughter with someone else and miss out on all the little moments I’ve been so blessed to have with her this past year.

In my ideal world, I wouldn’t have to think about these things, because I’d be staying home full time and not going back to work at all. However, the reality is that I need to work. Not only for the financial reasons, but simply because I have to work to maintain my standing as a Registered Nurse. Nursing isn’t something that you can take an extended break from and just walk back in 5 or 10 years later and pick up where you left off. You have to keep current and up to date, because things change so quickly and people expect a certain level of skill, ability, and competence from their nurses - and rightly so. My nursing license isn’t something I’m ready to let go of just yet – I’ve worked hard for it and it’s a good career with a lot of options and flexibility – perfect for a young family in many ways. So, for these next several years while we are building our family and raising young children, I’ll most likely just work the minimum number of hours required to maintain my registration and keep up my skills. I’m thankful for the flexibility that my current job offers and that I don’t have to go back to full-time work. I’ll still be able to be at home with Tessa the majority of the time, which is a huge blessing that I do not take for granted.

So that brings me to now, just a week away from returning to work and Tessa starting out in her new dayhome. It’s a pretty big deal (to me, anyway) and while I’m sure it will all work out, I still have my worries and anxieties over the whole thing. Part of the way I deal with that is to do what I can to prepare both Tessa and myself for the transition. Here's what we've been doing to prepare:

1 – Weaning from daytime nursing

This has actually gone much better than I thought it would. Tessa is down to nursing 3 or 4 times a day. She was starting to show very little interest in her late afternoon/post-nap nursing session and usually gets by until supper with a just a small snack after her nap. So we’ve pretty much dropped that one altogether, although I’ll still offer to nurse after her snack if she seems to need it. I’m ok with her still occasionally nursing at this time because I’ll be able to nurse when I get home from work if she needs it.

The bigger challenge was dropping her noon nursing session. We obviously won’t be able to continue that on the days she's at the dayhome, so we decided (for the sake of consistency) to try and get rid of that one altogether. About a month ago, I started trying to give her a bottle of pumped milk at noon, along with her lunch. We hadn’t given her a bottle in months, since we hadn’t really needed to. She initially refused the bottle so, of course, naturally, I panicked! I was so worried that she was going to continue to refuse the bottle and we’d have a huge battle on our hands and she wouldn’t be ready, etc, etc. So we waited until a weekend when my husband would be home during the day, and when he gave her the noon bottle she took it without a problem. Since then she’s taken the bottle from me (and others) without batting an eye. So I think we’ve successfully weaned her from nursing at noon, and she’s now used to getting a bottle instead. Phew!

So for now, we’ll be sending a bottle of pumped milk with her to the dayhome for her to have at noon. The rest of our nursing sessions (morning, late afternoon, and bedtime) can stay as they are for now, since we’ll be able to continue them once I’m back to work.

2 – A more flexible routine

We have a pretty solid routine down in our house. Tessa generally wakes up, eats, plays, naps, and goes to bed at the same times each day. We all like the stability and predictability this gives us. I know that the routine in the dayhome will be fairly similar to what we have going at home, but there may also be times when flexibility will be required. So with that in mind, I’ve tried to be a little more flexible with our routine at home these past few weeks – obviously still sticking to it as closely as possible, but not freaking out if she has a shorter nap (or misses one altogether) or we do something a little earlier or later - in other words, I’m trying to relax a little!

Tessa has shown us over and over that she is adaptable and can usually handle changes to her routine without a huge meltdown, so we have to trust that she will be able to handle this next big change as well.

3 – Playdates at the dayhome

Tessa has already gone for a half day "trial" at the dayhome, and will be going for a full day this week before our actual first day. The half day went very well - Tessa was so busy playing that she hardly noticed when I left, and only had a few tears when I came back to pick her up. We're thankful that we've been able to do these "trial runs" - they've allowed Tessa to get used to the new environment and routine, her caregiver, and the other kids in the dayhome, and have also given me the chance to see how I do handling the separation.

4 – Independent play

This has already been ongoing in our home, but I’m trying to encourage a bit more independent play, since she may have to do more of this at the dayhome. We’re thankful that Tessa will be the only baby in the dayhome (the other kids are age 2 and up), so we know she’ll get a lot of attention and one on one time from the caregiver (she’s assured us of that). But it’s very likely that there will be times when the caregiver is busy with another child and Tessa will need to be able to entertain herself for a bit. She’s already pretty good at this, so I’m not too worried.

On the other hand, it may end up being that she’ll get more actual structured playtime and activities than she is used to at home, so that could be another challenge in itself.

5 – Playpen naps

This is a fairly small thing, but I thought it might help if Tessa takes an occasional nap in her playpen, since she’ll be napping in a playpen at the dayhome. I’ve kept her pre-nap routine the same, but I thought it would help with getting her used to sleeping in different places, and so far it hasn’t been a problem.

6 – Leaving Tessa in the church nursery

We started doing this a few months ago, not necessarily with the intent of preparing her for daycare, but more for a break for us to be able to sit through the service, uninterrupted. I volunteer in the nursery, so of course she does well on the Sundays I’m in there, but we’ve left her there with other workers too and for the most part, she’s handled it well - only a few meltdowns, usually more due to being tired, hungry, or teething than actual separation anxiety. This has also provided an opportunity for her to interact with other babies and toddlers, which she’ll be doing much more of once she goes to the dayhome.

I'm expecting the transition to go fairly well, since we have such an easygoing baby. I'm sure there will be a few bumps in the road and it will take a bit of adjusting for all of us, but hopefully the preparation we've done over the last several weeks will make things go much smoother.

Those who have been through this transition before, what have you done to prepare yourself and your baby? Anything else you would add to this list or any other tips you can offer?

Choose Joy

Today, my sweet baby girl is 11 months old.

11 months since the morning my water broke and we hurried to the hospital in the falling snow.

11 months since I labored and pushed and gave birth to our daughter.

11 months since she took her first breath of air, cried her first cry, and we held her in our arms for the first time.

11 months since we announced to the world that we finally had our beautiful baby girl, safe and healthy.

This time last year, I was counting down the last few days at work, preparing for a whole year stretching out ahead of me with nothing to do but be a mom. 

Today, I am counting down this last month as a full time stay at home mom, preparing myself to go back to work in just four short weeks. If 11 months have passed by at the speed of light, I know that four weeks will feel like the blink of an eye.

So, for these next 26 days, I will be soaking up all these beautiful moments, cherishing every smile, every giggle, every cuddle, and yes, even every 5am wake up call.

In these coming weeks, we will celebrate our first Christmas as a family of three.

Then, a month from now, we will celebrate Tessa's first birthday and us surviving our first year as parents.

There is so much to be thankful for and to celebrate, and I don't want to spend the last month of my year at home being whiny or miserable.

So, with that in mind, my aim for this next month is to always choose joy. Even when I'm tired, or sick, or grumpy. When my baby is fussy and clingy and teething. When the house is a mess and there are a million things to do and it just.keeps.snowing. 

I will choose to find something to celebrate. 

I will choose to be thankful. 

"Crunch Time"

     This week, I'll be having a conversation with my manager about my return to work. We're working on arrangements for childcare for when I go back. I'm so blessed to live in Canada where we get a full year of maternity leave and it's been such an amazing year and I'm so thankful, but reality is starting to hit me: In a little over 2 months, I'll be back to work.

     I feel like each month is going by faster than the one before - I'm still trying to figure out what happened to September, and it's already the second last week of October! I feel like I'll blink and it'll be Christmas and then I'll be back to work. So, with that in mind, I'm really feeling the need to soak up every second I have with Tessa. She's growing and changing so fast, and learning something new almost every day, it seems, and I don't want to miss any of it.

     I'm so thankful that I only have to go back to work part-time, so I'll still have lots of time at home with her once I go back, but in some ways I feel like it won't be quite the same. So I've decided that my blog, for now, will be taking the back seat. I'll still be posting, just maybe not as regularly as I have been. I do love blogging and I especially love the community I've found online through blogging, so I don't want to miss out on that, but I'm really feeling like it's "crunch time" on my maternity leave and I want to make the most of it.

     So, if you'll excuse me, I have a baby to go play with!

There Is Hope...

     Well, we've survived 5 nights. Tessa is handling "sleep training" much better than I had anticipated and we're seeing a bit of progress. There is hope!!

     We decided to revamp our bedtime routine a little and it's working very well. We've never had much trouble with the initial going down for the night - generally speaking, she goes down well, although since she was a newborn she's always been nursed to sleep or to nearly asleep. I know that many of the books will say that this is the source of our night waking troubles - she's come to associate nursing with falling asleep, so when she wakes in the night, she expects or thinks she needs to be nursed back to sleep.

     So now our pre-bedtime routine starts at about 6:30pm with nursing, followed by a bath (and on non-bath nights, just a sponge bath), nighttime diaper and lotion, pajamas, then stories in the rocking chair. At about 7pm, we put her down fully awake or drowsy with her pacifier (that's another battle for another time!!) and her little stuffed Winnie the Pooh. The first night she protested, but only for about 10-15 minutes. Last night she literally cried for about 10 seconds then went right to sleep. I'm so thankful we have such an easygoing, adaptable little girl, who seems to be able to handle change so well.

     As far as the night waking goes, it's still happening, but I would say it's improving. The first night was, well, awful. We pretty much went cold turkey with the night weaning (although she has gone whole nights without feeding before, so it wasn't the first time). I'm not sure if that was the best approach, but it's what we decided to do, so for the sake of consistency, we're sticking with it for a little while to see what happens. That first night she woke around 11pm and was awake and crying until almost 1am. Cam and I took turns going in to comfort and soothe her while she cried. It was awful. At one point we were both standing outside her bedroom door and I looked at Cam and said "this is stupid!". However, each night since that first night has been a little better than the last. She still wakes up several times, with most of her wakings happening from 3am on but she either goes back to sleep on her own within a few minutes, or I'll go in to her room, give her her soother and rub her back for a minute or two and she might fuss a bit, but falls asleep fairly quickly.

     Here's hoping we continue to see improvements and eventually get her to those long 12 hour sleeps some of you are lucky enough to be having...although, at this point, I'd be totally fine with just one waking! After what I've been through the last few months, waking only once in the night sounds just peachy!

Daddy makes the best pillow...

     Since we're on the topic of sleep, I got to thinking about why this has become such an important issue for me. Obviously, the number one reason is because I'm TIRED!! Going from long, uninterrupted sleeps to waking several times through the night (for months on end) can be a shock to the system. However, in my case, I found that once I adapted to my new normal, I felt fine (for the most part) and was managing fairly well on less sleep than I would have liked.

     That is, until someone asked me the dreaded question: "Is she sleeping through the night yet?"

     Now, I know that people are just trying to be friendly and polite and make conversation, and maybe even offer some empathy if they've been there themselves. But to me (and maybe this is just me), this question only adds more pressure, guilt, and worry to the heaps of (self-induced) pressure, guilt, and worry I've already got. Here I am, thinking everything's going fine...I'm used to the sleep deprivation...I've accepted that it's normal and have convinced myself that we'll get through it. Then some well-meaning person asks me the dreaded question and I begin to doubt myself: "Should my baby be sleeping through the night?" "Why isn't she?" "Is everyone else's baby sleeping through the night?" "What's wrong with us?" And the worry builds and the mom-guilt grows....

     So, I've decided to make it a point to NOT ask moms if their babies are sleeping through the night. I'm so tired of the question myself, and I have a feeling I'm not the only one. I figure if a mom wants to talk about her baby's sleep, she can bring it up, and I'll gladly listen and offer whatever support I can, but I won't start the conversation. I think it's a topic that is already a major source of stress and worry for a lot of moms, and I sure don't want to be responsible for adding any more to another mom's already heavy load. I don't know...maybe this is just a silly idea coming from a sleep deprived mom....

     What do you think? How do you feel about the question?

Exciting Things Ahead...

     Wow, I can't believe it's September! The summer literally flew by. It was a great summer though, and I still have one or two more posts in the works highlighting some of my favorite parts, so I feel like I can still hang on to the last bit of summer before Fall really hits!

     I've always loved Fall and (when I was still in school) heading back to school with my new clothes and pencils and notebooks...there's just something so fresh and exciting about Fall. I don't know why I still feel this way...it's been 3 years since I've been in school and it'll be another 5 before I have kids going back to school. I guess there's just something about Fall and the feeling of change in the air that gets me excited for new beginnings and all that's to come.

    
     So I wanted to write a quick post with some of the exciting new things I'm working on for the month of September and through the Fall. Of course, I'll be continuing to write mostly about my experiences as a mom and providing updates about Tessa and our family, but over the past month, I've also had the opportunity to connect with some new people in the blogging and online world and to get involved in some exciting stuff!

     First, I'll be participating in my first ever Cara Box Exchange through one of the my favorite blogs I've discovered this summer. Sign up starts today and goes through the week, so if you're interested, click on the button below and find out what it's all about (you don't have to be a blogger to participate in this either!).

     Second, I'll be guest co-hosting one of my favorite blog hops later this month and will also be working on (hopefully!) getting my first giveaway up and running. Stay tuned!! :)

     Finally, (and this is the thing I'm most excited about) I've found an opportunity that allows me to use my blog for a bigger purpose than just sharing my life with the internet. I've joined the Compassion Bloggers Network and since September has been declared "Blog Month" by Compassion, I thought this was a great time to get started. For the month of September, there will be weekly "assignments" where a writing prompt is given and bloggers are encouraged to write a post with the goal of getting children sponsored through their blog. Compassion has set a goal of 3,160 new online sponsorships through the month of September - hope you can join in and help reach that goal!

  
     I've been a Compassion sponsor for over 10 years and love the work they do with children and families around the world, so I thought this was a perfect fit for my blog. I want to be able to use this platform and the tiny bit of influence I have to make a positive difference in the lives of children living in poverty. So, I hope you can join me by spreading the word about Compassion and Blog Month and maybe see if you can make it work to sponsor a child (or two!). Starting today, you'll see a Compassion button in my sidebar - you can click on this at anytime to link directly to Compassion's website where you can find out more and choose a child to sponsor. I'll be sharing more about this through the month, so keep checking back!

     Also, I now have a blog Facebook page! I know that not all my Facebook friends are interested in reading the blog, so this way I can update those who do want to follow without pestering everyone else. :)

     In offline life, Tessa and I started a mom & baby stroller fitness class today. I actually won 50% off this class through a draw I entered, so I figured this was a good time to start back to some kind of workout routine. I haven't done much of anything since Tessa was born, and it definitely showed this morning! One of the leaders had a 4 week old (no, that's not a typo - she had a baby 4 WEEKS ago!!) and she kicked my butt! Definitely motivating! I didn't have my camera along, and even if I did, I was too busy trying not to die on the side of path to get any photos. Maybe I'll take it along one of these days and get a shot of what we're doing. It was a challenge this morning, but I think it'll be good and I'm looking forward to seeing my progress over the course of the class. It's also another opportunity to connect with some more moms and maybe make some new friends.

Soaking up the last days of summer before the beautiful colors of fall surround us...

     So, there you have it. I feel like I have my work cut out for me and that a couple of these things may be a bit challenging, but I'm looking forward to the challenges and excited to push myself in new ways.

     How about you? What does Fall hold for you? Any new challenges or goals you have for yourself? I would love to hear about what lies ahead and what you're most looking forward to this Fall.

     

Embracing my Mommy-Shape

     This letter to Kate Middleton was all over my Facebook feed for a couple days last week. It was posted and shared by many of my mom friends who obviously loved it as much as I did. If you haven't seen it yet click the link above and go read it - it's well worth your time.

     It's no secret that women of all sizes and shapes struggle with having a healthy body image. There's always someone who looks better, is thinner, has nicer clothes or hair or whatever. We're constantly comparing ourselves to everyone else and finding that we usually come up short. What's astonishing to me is that this dislike of our bodies continues through pregnancy and beyond. I've had conversations with other new moms about how we need to lose the baby weight and firm up the mommy-tummy. We look at ourselves in the mirror and all we see are stretch marks and saggy, soft bellies.

40 weeks pregnant, 5 days before Tessa arrived

    
     I can remember those first awkward weeks after giving birth where absolutely nothing in my closet fit - my maternity stuff was too big and my non-maternity stuff was too small or just didn't fit my new shape properly. There was no point going shopping for new clothes because I knew my body was in an adjustment period and I had no idea how long it would take for things to stabilize. I complained about how I looked, forgetting that my body had been stretched and reshaped over 9 months to accomodate a new life and had just performed its most amazing and miraculous feat to date. If ever there was a time to give myself a break, this was it.

     So I did. Slowly, I got used to my new shape, and now, for the first time in a VERY long time, I can honestly say that I'm ok with my body (other than those pesky stretch marks!). I don't love it, but I'm happy with it and so thankful for it when I remind myself that it gave us our beautiful, healthy daughter.

      Some of us may get back to our exact pre-pregnancy shape and size, others will not. Either way our bodies will be different in some way and I think it's time to embrace these new bodies. Bodies that have miraculously carried and nurtured life, endured hours (maybe days) of labor, delivered beautiful babies into the world, and are now nourishing, comforting, protecting, teaching, and loving our children. There is nothing more beautiful than that.

Attitude Adjustments

So much changes when a baby joins a family, but I think some of the biggest changes of all have been in me (which I am most grateful for!).

1 - Patience

     I've never been a very patient person. Not so much in the sense that I hate waiting for things, but more that I get impatient and quickly annoyed with people when they do things that irritate me. I think this is one of my biggest character flaws and one that I know I need to work on.
     Having a baby has definitely forced me to be more patient (and hopefully not only with her, but with others too). When she is having a hard time going to sleep or is crying for some unknown reason, I don't very often find myself getting frustrated with her, which has come as a surprise to me. For some reason (maybe it's just because I'm her mom) I find it easy to be patient with her (I'm guessing this might change once we hit toddlerhood...haha), whether it's helping her get to sleep, holding her and rocking her while she cries, or putting up with her endless squealing as she learns how to use her voice. I truly hope that this more patient attitude will transfer over to my other relationships as well.

2 - Babies aren't convenient

     We live in a world that is obsessed with convenience and ease, and it can be a bit of a rude awakening when we realize that babies have their own schedules that sometimes require us to adjust our own plans. For the most part, we've been blessed with an extremely easygoing baby. It also helps that we're both the kind of people who prefer to be at home rather than out, but when we do go out, we quickly learned that a simple outing now requires a bit more planning than it used to. Not only do you have to remember to bring more stuff (diapers, wipes, soother, extra change of clothes, etc), but often the timing of outings has to be coordinated around feeding and nap times. This has definitely improved as our baby has gotten older and as we've become better adjusted to life as parents of a baby, but in those early days, it was often just easier to stay home, which sometimes meant giving up things we wanted to do.
     We also now need to consider someone else's needs before our own when making plans and sometimes that means plans get put on hold or abandoned altogether. I was out doing some errands when Tessa was about 3 or 4 weeks old. I had already been to the grocery store and she was doing great so I decided to make a quick stop at Costco. We were in the store and I already had a few things in my cart when she woke up and decided she was DONE with shopping NOW. She didn't even give me any warning, just went straight from sleeping peacefully to screaming bloody murder. I did what any other brand new 3-week-old mom would do in the middle of Costco with a screaming, inconsolable baby - I panicked. I left my cart right where it was, took my baby and got out of that store as fast as I could. I felt terrible that I had tried to cram one more thing in, because I was already on that end of town and it was convenient for me, not giving much thought to how much my newborn baby could take. Of course, I don't mean to imply that life stops when a baby comes along, but it does take on a whole new dimension - one that is hopefully much less self-centered.
    

3 - I GET to do this - not I HAVE to.

     I have heard about and personally know people who have lost babies, either to miscarriage, stillbirth, or illness. I also know people who have struggled with getting pregnant and being uncertain if they would even be able to have a biological child of their own. I don't pretend to know what these parents have been through, but I have a sneaking suspicion that anyone who has lost a child or is struggling to have a child would give anything to have a sleepless night with a baby of their own.
     In my early weeks as a mom, I read a fabulous book that pointed out that there are no guarantees in life. There is no guarantee that we will have more children, and for that matter, there is also no guarantee that we will have tomorrow or next week with Tessa. This was a wake-up call for me when I read it, and helped to shift my mindset from "I have to..." to "I get to..." Instead of being irritated when I had to get up at 3am, I now found myself feeling grateful that I had the opportunity to do so. I began cherishing those middle-of-the-night feedings, and even though I still don't enjoy being tired, I count it a blessing that I GET to be tired because I am fortunate enough to have a precious baby to care for.


     These are just three examples of some of the major changes that have taken place in my heart since Tessa joined our family. We've both done a lot of growing these past 6 months. I am so grateful to God for the gift that she is and for His refining work in my life through her in this new season. I pray that He will continue to use her to shape me into something beautiful in His sight.

 

6 Months In...

Wow. I can't believe that I've been a mom for half a year. I know I've already written a lot about how fast time is going, but I feel like it really can't be said enough. It's strange, though. In some ways it feels like I've been doing this forever, and at the same time, I'm certain Tessa was just born yesterday.

Challenging, exciting, humbling, exhausting, wonderful, nerve-wracking, perfect. Those are a few of the words that come to mind when I think back over the last 6 months. But the word I would choose to sum it all up is amazing.

• I'm amazed that after a long, seemingly sleepless night, I can still get up and somehow have enough energy to make it through the day.

• I'm amazed that my body has been able to nourish and sustain another human life, first through pregnancy and now breastfeeding.

• I'm amazed at how much Tessa has grown and changed in 6 short months, and how tightly she has already woven herself into our family.

• I'm amazed watching her through all the changes and milestones, watching her grow up and getting to see a little personality emerge.

• I'm amazed when she wraps her chubby little arms around my neck and gives me her sweet toothless smile.

• I'm amazed when I watch her daddy love his little girl and when her face lights up when she sees him.

• I'm amazed that God has entrusted us with this precious life and by all the love and support that has surrounded us these last 6 months.
  

There have been so many amazing moments in these last 6 months. I've learned so much about myself and about being a mom (Tessa isn't the only one who has been growing around here), but I know I've only just begun to scratch the surface of all that it means to be a parent. Thankfully, we've got another 18 or so years (and then some) to keep working at it.