Life as a Working Mom

Well, I've officially been a working mom for 6 weeks, and as you can tell by the complete lack of posting on my blog, it's been BUSY! Busy, but good. We've managed to find a new routine and it seems to be working out well. I'm so fortunate and thankful that I'm only working part-time (2 days/week), so I still get to be at home with Tessa the other three weekdays and on weekends. It's really the perfect balance for right now.

The first few weeks were definitely a challenge with trying to figure out how to get all of us out the door by 7:30am, having to leave Tessa at the dayhome crying, and trying to keep up with all the other errands and chores that still need to be done with two fewer days a week to do them.

Our morning routine is working out nicely. I get up first, around 6am, get myself completely ready to go, then get Tessa up just before 7 and get her ready. For the most part it's worked perfectly, except for the odd morning when she wakes up too early and I'm not quite ready yet. It also helps immensely to have everything laid out and ready to go the night before. This is what our hallway and kitchen counter look like the night before a work day:

Tessa had a few rough days at her dayhome in the beginning, including one day when she cried almost all day. It was the day after a rough night, so she was really tired. For her to be tired at home is one thing, but to be tired in a new, unfamiliar environment is a whole different ball game. The mom guilt hit me hard that day. I felt so bad for both her and the caregiver, and felt like I was making a huge mistake by being back at work. Thankfully, that turned out to be an isolated incident, and she's done very well since. She doesn't even cry anymore when I drop her off in the morning, which is bittersweet for me. I'm happy that she's happy there, but sad that she's growing up and becoming more independent.

Tessa got to sponge paint for the first time at the dayhome. First artwork for the fridge!

And as for keeping up around the house, well, it's going ok. I've never claimed to be the world's greatest housekeeper, so it doesn't bother me too much if things get left undone at times (for example, our kitchen & dining room floor is TERRIBLE right now - I should probably be doing that instead of writing this! Haha!). But I do know that I need to make myself some kind of schedule so I make sure the things that MUST get done are getting done. I also need to work on using my time at home as efficiently as possible and prioritizing to keep this place somewhat liveable.

Our living room often looks like a bomb went off

Tessa's room on laundry day (it doesn't stay like this!!)

Yes, life has been a little crazy these past 6 weeks as we've settled into our new normal. Life as a working mom is definitely hard, but I wouldn't say it's any harder or easier than being a full time stay at home mom (although I can't imagine how the full time working mamas do it! Hats off to you!). It's just different. They both have their own unique challenges. I came across this post on Facebook - it's written as two letters - one from a SAHM to a working mom, and vice versa. Having been on both sides, I think it perfectly sums up the challenges that each one faces. There's no need to argue over who has it harder. We're all moms, we just need to support each other at whatever place in life we're at.

Time for Some Tough Love

A few months ago, I wrote about my journey in coming to accept my post-baby body. I struggled with it for a little while, then when I recognized and reminded myself of what my body had just accomplished through pregnancy, labor, and the birth of my daughter, it became pretty easy for me to be more gentle on myself and to accept my new shape.

That was a good thing - for a while. It was what I needed as I recovered from childbirth, adjusted to life with a newborn, and found my rhythm as a mom. I gave myself a much needed break and lowered my expectations for myself - which is what I think all new moms need to do - at least for a while.

I've found, though, that I've continued to maintain the same lowered expectations for myself in terms of health and wellness, even though I know (and have known for a while) that it's time to start picking up the slack. It's not a bad thing to go easy on yourself for a while, if it's what's needed, but that should only be temporary and not become the new normal. Yes, I needed a short period where I gave myself grace and gentleness, where I allowed myself to focus on other things. But now I can see that it's gotten to the point where I'm maybe being a little too gentle on myself, and have allowed myself to neglect my own health and created (or continued) some not-so-healthy habits. It's one thing to go easy on yourself for a season - it's another thing entirely to use that as an excuse to be lazy and undisciplined and not take care of yourself, which is what it's become for me.

Like I said in my previous post, I was able to quickly get to a place of acceptance and even appreciation for my new post-baby shape and I've managed to return to my pre-pregnancy weight without much effort. But I know that I could be doing much, much better with my eating habits and exercise routine (which is completely non-existent). For me, it's not so much about weight loss or looking a certain way as it is about overall good health and wellness and feeling good about the choices I make.

So, having said all that, (and I know I'm a little late on the New Year's resolution/goal post, but this is something I've been thinking about for a while and have already started working on), my biggest goal for myself this year is to be as healthy as I can be. That means making a conscious effort to make healthy choices with my diet as well as starting (and maintaining) some sort of physical activity routine.

One of the worst areas for me is my love for sweets and my terrible snacking habits, especially when I'm home all day. It's way too easy to reach for something unhealthy and I've let it go for too long. This, along with getting moving, is the first area I'm going to tackle. I've come up with a plan and a list of healthy snack choices that I'll look too when I feel the need to snack. I've decided that I'm going to limit myself to just one snack time a day - a set time where I can have a healthy snack - instead of just randomly, mindlessly grazing on junk through the day. Tessa is at an age where she is watching me closely and noticing what I'm doing - I do NOT want her learning my unhealthy habits and thinking that they can become hers too.

Snack options - this is now hanging on the fridge.

The other area that needs improvement is exercise. We bought a treadmill on a Boxing Day sale and are waiting for it to come, so my plan is to start a regular walking routine and work my way up to some jogging/running. I guess the silver lining for me is that I don't have far to go to improve - any amount of physical activity will be an improvement from where I'm currently at.

I don't want to become obsessive or legalistic about these things, but I know myself and I know that if I don't have some kind of plan and steps to take, nothing will happen. I know there will be days that I'll eat poorly or skip my workout, and that's not the end of the world - it takes work, discipline, and self control to break habits. And, like I said earlier, I'm pretty good at being gentle on myself - I'm now going to save that gentleness for the days I mess up, paired with a healthy dose of strictness to make sure I get right back on track the next day. As long as I can make healthy choices the majority of the time and work my way to having this become the new normal, I'm happy.

Back to Square One...

Well, maybe not quite square one, but there have been moments over the past weeks that sure feel like it. About 2 months ago, I wrote about our struggles at night (read part 1, 2 & 3) and at that time we had decided to try some sleep training. It seemed to have worked because for the past 8 weeks or so, Tessa was consistently sleeping glorious 9-10 hour stretches. It was heavenly.

You'll notice I said was.

Over the last two weeks, things have been so up and down and completely unpredictable. Take this weekend, for example. Friday night was good, Saturday night was bad, and Sunday night was great. I think maybe I could handle the nights much better if there was at least some predictability to them. This feels like the newborn days all over again.

I guess I shouldn't really be surprised. She just got over the worst illness she's ever had and she's working on at least one new tooth. I was also recently introduced to the concept of "Wonder Weeks" by two fellow mommy bloggers (check out Hannah's post to learn more) and have discovered that she's very likely right smack dab in the middle of a major developmental leap.

So, I guess you could call this a "sleep regression", or maybe you could just call it "normal infant sleep".

And what have I learned through this latest challenge?

First of all, it's NORMAL. When things started to derail, sleepwise, the question my husband and I were constantly asking each other was "what's wrong?". I soon decided that the answer to that question is NOTHING. Nothing is wrong with either my baby or us as parents. My daughter (like all babies) is undergoing massive amounts of physical, mental, and emotional development through this first year of her life. Sometimes it seems like she just gets a skill mastered when she hits another milestone and has to work her way through the learning involved in perfecting yet another skill. In addition to the stress of all these huge cognitive leaps, she also has to deal with physical development like teething and growth spurts. She hardly gets a break. It shouldn't really come as a surprise when she has fussy, clingy moments and a few rough nights when she's in the middle of these rather large changes.

Second, all is NOT lost. I may have exaggerated when I titled this post. Ok, I definitely exaggerated when I titled this post. We are not back at square one, thankfully. But it's easy to begin to think this way when you're so frustrated and sleep deprived. Babies are hard work, and when you've put in the work and you finally begin to see progress only to have it come to a screeching halt at 1am and 2:30am and 4am, it's easy (for me, anyway) to feel defeated and hopeless. It's so important, though, to keep things in perspective. To remember that these are just minor bumps on the road that will eventually smooth themselves out.

Finally, my daughter's sleep (or lack thereof) is not necessarily a reflection of my ability as a mother. On one of the most recent really bad nights, as I got out of bed for the 100th 4th time, I actually said out loud to my husband, "I suck at this". As in, the reason my daughter is awake again is because I'm a terrible mom. Um, no. Not true (I realize that now, but exhaustion can make you think, say, and do some crazy stuff!). I love my daughter more than anything, and I know that I'm doing the very best that I can. I've read that sleeping through the night is a developmental milestone like any other that babies reach when they're ready. Sure, I'll give her all the help I can to get her there as soon as possible (for her sake as well as mine), but maybe what she needs most is unconditional love, grace, understanding, and a whole lot of patience from her parents when she's having a rough time. If that means I need to rock her or nurse her, so be it. I refuse to blame myself, put myself down, or feel guilty for comforting, loving, and feeding my daughter and doing what I need to do to get us through a night.

Why go around when you can go under?

This girl is really starting to love her books! Makes her mom & dad happy!

 

Have you gone through a "sleep regression" with your little ones? How did you deal with it?

Just a Teeny, Tiny Bit

     We had a pretty crazy week over here. It started last Saturday when Tessa seemed to be coming down with a cold. By Sunday afternoon she had a fever that lasted until Tuesday night. On Thursday morning, she woke up with a rash on her belly which, by Friday morning, had spread to her back, neck and parts of her face. All this during the biggest measles outbreak in our area in 16 years! Talk about panic, paranoia, worry, anxiety, fear...you name it, I felt it last week.

My heart breaks a little every time I see this picture...so sad to see her so sick!

     I've always been a worrier, long before I was a mom. I remember as a kid and teenager sometimes laying awake for hours at night thinking about one of my parents dying or me getting some terrible illness. When we first brought Tessa home from the hospital I had many anxious moments, mostly at night, where I would imagine something terrible happening to her, my husband, or me. If I let it, my imagination can run pretty wild with all kinds of what-ifs and awful scenarios. I've lost a LOT of sleep over the years due to worry, and now that I'm a mom, I expect my worry to continue to be just as bad, if not worse.

     And as I thought about it last week while caring for my sick daughter with the constant worry of measles running through my mind, I think I came to the conclusion that maybe a teeny tiny bit of worry is ok. Just a teeny tiny bit. Here's why:

• The reason I worry is because I care. I don't know if it's possible to be a parent without worrying, at least on occasion. We love our children more than anything and want only what's best for them. Obviously, we don't need worry to prove this to ourselves or anyone else, but I think worry (in small doses) is a good indicator that we deeply care about something.
• It keeps me alert and attentive. I can't count how many times I checked Tessa's temperature or looked her over for a rash last week (ok, maybe I was bordering on obsessive). I was on high alert and nothing was going to get by me. I think a little bit of worry keeps us on our toes and makes us sit up and pay attention to what's going on with our kids.
• It motivates us to action to control the things we CAN control. Why do we install locks on cupboards and put up baby gates at the top of the stairs? Because we worry about our kids getting hurt. When our kids get older, why do we teach them not to talk to weirdos at the park? Because we worry, so we do whatever we can to hopefully prevent bad things from happening.

     Of course, I know that God commands us not to worry (Matt. 6:25-34, Phil. 4:6-7), so I want to do my best to obey that and let go of my worry. But I think God also knows that, as humans, we're prone to worry. We're so quick to let the worries of life overshadow His love and goodness. That's why we're also told to give our worries to Him (Matt. 11:28-30, 1 Peter 5:7). Maybe He knows that, as humans, we're unable to fully let go of worry, all the time...that occasionally (or regularly, if you're me) it creeps back in, so He gives us a way out.

     What's the number one response I get when I tell someone I'm worried about something? "Don't worry". My husband has to tell me ALL.THE.TIME. to not worry about something or other. But, since I've never in my life been able to find the worry switch, much less turn it off, I think maybe a better response is "Don't over-worry". I think it's ok, and completely normal, to worry about things. Of course, if you're one of those people who can actually stop it, great. If you're like me and can't seem do that, it's important to learn how to manage your worry and keep it in check. Out-of-control, irrational, crippling worry is not healthy for anyone, but I think maybe, just maybe, a teeny, tiny bit of worry, kept under control and channeled in the right direction, can actually be helpful.

    I don't know, am I completely out to lunch on this? How do others deal with worry?

There Is Hope...

     Well, we've survived 5 nights. Tessa is handling "sleep training" much better than I had anticipated and we're seeing a bit of progress. There is hope!!

     We decided to revamp our bedtime routine a little and it's working very well. We've never had much trouble with the initial going down for the night - generally speaking, she goes down well, although since she was a newborn she's always been nursed to sleep or to nearly asleep. I know that many of the books will say that this is the source of our night waking troubles - she's come to associate nursing with falling asleep, so when she wakes in the night, she expects or thinks she needs to be nursed back to sleep.

     So now our pre-bedtime routine starts at about 6:30pm with nursing, followed by a bath (and on non-bath nights, just a sponge bath), nighttime diaper and lotion, pajamas, then stories in the rocking chair. At about 7pm, we put her down fully awake or drowsy with her pacifier (that's another battle for another time!!) and her little stuffed Winnie the Pooh. The first night she protested, but only for about 10-15 minutes. Last night she literally cried for about 10 seconds then went right to sleep. I'm so thankful we have such an easygoing, adaptable little girl, who seems to be able to handle change so well.

     As far as the night waking goes, it's still happening, but I would say it's improving. The first night was, well, awful. We pretty much went cold turkey with the night weaning (although she has gone whole nights without feeding before, so it wasn't the first time). I'm not sure if that was the best approach, but it's what we decided to do, so for the sake of consistency, we're sticking with it for a little while to see what happens. That first night she woke around 11pm and was awake and crying until almost 1am. Cam and I took turns going in to comfort and soothe her while she cried. It was awful. At one point we were both standing outside her bedroom door and I looked at Cam and said "this is stupid!". However, each night since that first night has been a little better than the last. She still wakes up several times, with most of her wakings happening from 3am on but she either goes back to sleep on her own within a few minutes, or I'll go in to her room, give her her soother and rub her back for a minute or two and she might fuss a bit, but falls asleep fairly quickly.

     Here's hoping we continue to see improvements and eventually get her to those long 12 hour sleeps some of you are lucky enough to be having...although, at this point, I'd be totally fine with just one waking! After what I've been through the last few months, waking only once in the night sounds just peachy!

Daddy makes the best pillow...

     Since we're on the topic of sleep, I got to thinking about why this has become such an important issue for me. Obviously, the number one reason is because I'm TIRED!! Going from long, uninterrupted sleeps to waking several times through the night (for months on end) can be a shock to the system. However, in my case, I found that once I adapted to my new normal, I felt fine (for the most part) and was managing fairly well on less sleep than I would have liked.

     That is, until someone asked me the dreaded question: "Is she sleeping through the night yet?"

     Now, I know that people are just trying to be friendly and polite and make conversation, and maybe even offer some empathy if they've been there themselves. But to me (and maybe this is just me), this question only adds more pressure, guilt, and worry to the heaps of (self-induced) pressure, guilt, and worry I've already got. Here I am, thinking everything's going fine...I'm used to the sleep deprivation...I've accepted that it's normal and have convinced myself that we'll get through it. Then some well-meaning person asks me the dreaded question and I begin to doubt myself: "Should my baby be sleeping through the night?" "Why isn't she?" "Is everyone else's baby sleeping through the night?" "What's wrong with us?" And the worry builds and the mom-guilt grows....

     So, I've decided to make it a point to NOT ask moms if their babies are sleeping through the night. I'm so tired of the question myself, and I have a feeling I'm not the only one. I figure if a mom wants to talk about her baby's sleep, she can bring it up, and I'll gladly listen and offer whatever support I can, but I won't start the conversation. I think it's a topic that is already a major source of stress and worry for a lot of moms, and I sure don't want to be responsible for adding any more to another mom's already heavy load. I don't know...maybe this is just a silly idea coming from a sleep deprived mom....

     What do you think? How do you feel about the question?

On Sleep...Part II

     Last week, I wrote about our night time struggles. I'm not sure what it was, but I must have hit some kind of wall and I was just plain ready to be DONE with getting up at night. I think we all have those moments in parenting when we feel like we just can't take anymore and we're desperate for a solution to whatever the current issue is. Of course, it doesn't help to hear about other babies who sleep all night and have done so since they came home from the hospital (I'm happy for you, really, I am!!). Like anything else, as soon as I start comparing notes with others, it seems like everyone else has an easier go of it than me, self-pity sets in - or worse - anxiety and fear that I'm failing miserably as a mother or that maybe there's actually something WRONG with my baby, and I go off on a reading frenzy to try and find whatever miracle cure will "fix" the "problem".

     So, naturally, off to the internet I went. When Google failed to give me the answers I wanted, I hit up the library in search of the solution. I found a few books and started flipping through them. The first book got tossed within minutes - the author promises that his "Three Day Sleep Plan" would guarantee me an "80% chance of seeing improvement" - all I had to do was simply plunk my baby in her crib at bedtime, walk away, and not look back until morning - sounds easy, right? First of all, the initial falling asleep isn't really our problem. She generally goes down very well. Also, you haven't met my baby, sir. She's one of those babies who, when she does get upset, can quickly get herself so worked up she can hardly catch her breath. When it gets to that point we know from experience that she's simply unable to calm herself down - sorry, I'm not ignoring that. Nor do I want her to learn to associate sleep with crying until she can hardly breathe and being left all alone to fend for herself in that situation.

     The same author also has some stellar advice for older children with sleep problems. I couldn't help but share these gems: he suggests ignoring a child who tells you he wet the bed ("you can clean it up in the morning"...tell me, sir, would you be ok with lying in a wet, cold bed all night?), bangs his or her head against the wall to get attention ("there is little or no chance of it causing any lasting problems in children with normal development"...so, you're ok with your child intentionally injuring himself as long as it doesn't cause "lasting problems"??) or holds his breath to the point of losing consciousness (fainting "always ends the breath-holding and your child is back to normal in a few seconds"...For real?!? I don't even have a response to that one!)!!! (Surprisingly, this book was not written in 1875 (1999!), and no I'm not going to tell you the name of it - I don't want anyone to read it!!).

     Obviously, there are some terrible sleep-advice books out there.

     I couldn't get my hands on any actual sleep-training or cry-it-out books, but I've done enough reading online to understand the gist of these methods. Like I said in Part I, I'm not totally opposed to these techniques, and I know they can be very effective (very quickly) for some families. I'm just not completely convinced they're right for us at this point and here's why:

     1 - It feels contradictory to what I do the other half of the day.
          I definitely don't consider myself a full-fledged "attachment parent", but I do believe strongly in responsive parenting, meaning that when baby cries, the parent responds quickly. This builds trust, helps to create a healthy emotional bond between parent and child and fosters a sense of independence and security. From day one, this has been our approach to parenting our daughter. Now, of course, I understand that this begins to look a little different as she gets older and also as we've learned to interpret her different cries, but we still try to respond to her as quickly as possible, depending on the situation. So, it doesn't make much sense to me that when bedtime rolls around, I suddenly switch off this responsiveness. Even if I'm able to do it, it seems unfair that I expect my baby to do the same and understand what's going on, when all along we've been teaching her to expect that someone comes when she cries.

     2 - Babies cry for a reason.
          I have a really hard time buying into the belief that my baby, who can't yet walk or talk, can hardly feed herself, and doesn't know how to wipe her own bum, is somehow capable of using her cries to manipulate, as some sleep experts and child psychologists suggest. Sure, maybe she'll get there eventually, but I just don't think she's emotionally mature enough to do this at her age.
         Since Tessa has already shown us that she is capable of sleeping through the night (as she did for those 8 weeks or so early on, and has done a handful of times since), I have to believe that when she wakes now, it's for a reason. Through my reading, I had my eyes opened to the fact (and it seems completely obvious now) that babies don't choose to wake in the night. Do you, as an adult, consciously choose to wake in the middle of a deep sleep just to annoy someone? No. It just happens. We are incapable of making conscious choice while sleeping. So, my baby's night waking does NOT make her "bad", "disobedient" or "manipulative", it just happens. Further, when she wakes, just like when you or I wake in the night, it is usually for some reason. We're too hot, too cold, have to pee, are thirsty, heard a noise, and so on. At this stage in my child's development, she's unable to take care of these issues on her own, so she needs a little help from an adult, and that's perfectly normal and perfectly OK.

How do they sleep in these positions??

     3 - Maybe there's a bigger issue here than just sleep. 
          A big part of parenting is making sacrifices for the good of our children. Maybe, for now, that includes sleep. Sure, I'd love to be one of those parents who are consistently getting a solid 8 hours, but maybe, for this season, that's just not how it's going to be, and maybe I just need to accept it, change my attitude, and learn to make the best of it.
         Yes, of course I want to teach my daughter to have healthy sleep habits, and I do believe that will come with time. I'm reminded of my own mom, who, for a period of time, had to be in the room each night, kneeling by the bed, with her head on the pillow next to me or one of my siblings (she can't remember which child it was) until we fell asleep (thanks Mom!!). I also remember, as a young child, occasionally going to my parents' bedroom at night when I was scared and my mom making up a bed for me on the floor of their room, where I would spend the rest of the night. I think all three of us are now healthy, well-adjusted, emotionally stable adults with no lasting sleep issues (that I know of).
         Maybe, just maybe, I've blown this whole thing way out of proportion and all that is required is a little time, a little patience, and a lot of grace, both for myself and my daughter. I'm not trying to downplay the importance of sleep - I recognize that sleep is crucial to my daughter's health and development and is just as important for her parents. However, Tessa is a healthy and very happy baby who is a great daytime napper and who is still (usually) logging a good 10-11 hours each night, even though they're sometimes interrupted. I think I've also adjusted and, for the most part, am functioning fairly well during the day, despite not having the long, luxurious sleeps I would love to be having!
         So maybe, for now, I need to set aside my own comfort and convenience and expectations, and maybe even make some changes to my own routines (lately, we've been saying no to most evening activities to ensure she gets to bed on time; also, I could be going to bed earlier myself) so I can be available to my daughter when she needs me, no matter the time of day or night.

     A friend and mother of four (who's also had her share of sleep difficulty) encouraged me to remember that this is only a season and it will not last forever. She told me that ignoring the clock at night was one of the best things she ever did (she's even gone so far as to remove the clock from her bedroom). I think she's on to something...it's never helpful to look at the clock and count hours of sleep lost...it's a mind game that can really mess with you if you let it.

     Another friend reminded me to not overlook the power of prayer...she is absolutely right and I'm ashamed to admit that I haven't been praying about this as much as I could be. I have a God who cares about every detail of my life, no matter how big or small. He is able to help Tessa sleep. He is also able to provide me with the all the energy and patience I need to make it through the long nights and the hard days.

     So, for now, we'll continue to take it a day and a night at a time. Again, I'm reminded that this is a completely normal part of having a baby and that the vast majority of parents of infants and small children are having their own night time struggles too. We are not alone, and this is nothing new. Yes, at times being needed so constantly and so intensely is exhausting, but all too soon, these days and nights of being needed will come to an end, and who knows, maybe one day I'll even miss them.

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*Update: I wrote this post last week, and since then, we've had several VERY rough nights, I've come down with a cold, and we've decided that WE NEED SLEEP and have reached "last resort" territory. So, that means we've decided to try a form of sleep training. I will update with what we're doing and our progress (and hopefully there will be some!) later this week.

On Sleep...Part I

Oh, sleep...how I miss you...

     We've had a rough week or so in our house sleep-wise. Now, I realize that sleep deprivation comes with the territory, and I know that there are families out there who have it much worse than we do. I also know that I'm not the first nor will I be the last mother to struggle with infant sleep issues so I'm not trying to get anyone's sympathy...I just wish I could have ONE. NIGHT. of uninterrupted sleep (is that too much to ask?).

My sleepy newborn...

     
     Tessa started sleeping through the night (and by sleeping through the night, I mean 8-9 hours straight, up for a feed, then back to sleep for another 2-3 hours) at around 11 weeks old. I thought we were set. We were lucky we got a "good sleeper". This sleep pattern only lasted, however, until she was around 4 1/2-5 months old. Then the night waking began. It started after we had been away from home for a long weekend, so I thought she was just a bit off her routine and would get back into it once we were home and back to normal. Nope.

     Then I thought it must be the beginning of teething. Well, she's now 8 months old, just cut her first two teeth a few weeks ago, and is still consistently waking at least once, sometimes 3-4 times each night.

     Growth spurt? That's a mighty long growth spurt. Plus, I wasn't noticing any changes in her eating habits during the day, so I figured it couldn't be that.

     She didn't have a fever, a cold, a diaper rash.

     It was a hot summer and her room is upstairs in our un-airconditioned house so we switched from long-sleeved sleepers to a regular sleep sack to a lightweight sleep sack, cracked open a window when needed, and on the really hot nights, had her sleep in just her diaper.

     We even resorted to Tylenol a few times when she seemed really upset and wouldn't settle back to sleep after waking in the night.

     I'm tired. I'm frustrated. At times I feel completely at a loss as to what to do about this. And as much as I remind myself that I'm not a bad mom and I'm doing the best I can and that this is completely normal, there's still that feeling lurking in the shadows that this is somehow all my fault and that I'm failing my daughter. I have moments of irrational fear: She'll never be able to sleep on her own...I'm not going to get a good night's sleep for at least another 5 years...We're doing some kind of irreversible emotional or psychological damage if we let her cry...We're creating bad habits if we don't let her cry and rush in to rescue her each time...what's a mom to do???

Still one of my most favoritest photos ever!

    
     For now, we're taking it one night at a time. I'm struggling with actually implementing any kind of "sleep training", "cry it out", or "controlled crying" methods that I've read about (but at the same time, I haven't totally dismissed them either - learned that lesson early on!). Deep down, something just doesn't feel right to me about any of them (and aren't we supposed to trust our gut?). I know they work well for many families, and that's great. I respect the decisions that each family makes for themselves, because I know that when it comes to our kids, no decision is taken lightly and a lot of careful thought, research and discussion goes into them.

     Over the next days (or weeks) I'm going to be writing more about sleep, and my thoughts on some of the various strategies and methods I've read about, and hopefully, by putting my thoughts into words, I'll be able to sort things out a bit more and come to some kind of resolution. We'll see.

     Right now though, this mama needs a coffee.

     (I'd be interested to hear how other parents cope with sleep issues...what's worked for you? Leave a comment below!)
   

Exciting Things Ahead...

     Wow, I can't believe it's September! The summer literally flew by. It was a great summer though, and I still have one or two more posts in the works highlighting some of my favorite parts, so I feel like I can still hang on to the last bit of summer before Fall really hits!

     I've always loved Fall and (when I was still in school) heading back to school with my new clothes and pencils and notebooks...there's just something so fresh and exciting about Fall. I don't know why I still feel this way...it's been 3 years since I've been in school and it'll be another 5 before I have kids going back to school. I guess there's just something about Fall and the feeling of change in the air that gets me excited for new beginnings and all that's to come.

    
     So I wanted to write a quick post with some of the exciting new things I'm working on for the month of September and through the Fall. Of course, I'll be continuing to write mostly about my experiences as a mom and providing updates about Tessa and our family, but over the past month, I've also had the opportunity to connect with some new people in the blogging and online world and to get involved in some exciting stuff!

     First, I'll be participating in my first ever Cara Box Exchange through one of the my favorite blogs I've discovered this summer. Sign up starts today and goes through the week, so if you're interested, click on the button below and find out what it's all about (you don't have to be a blogger to participate in this either!).

     Second, I'll be guest co-hosting one of my favorite blog hops later this month and will also be working on (hopefully!) getting my first giveaway up and running. Stay tuned!! :)

     Finally, (and this is the thing I'm most excited about) I've found an opportunity that allows me to use my blog for a bigger purpose than just sharing my life with the internet. I've joined the Compassion Bloggers Network and since September has been declared "Blog Month" by Compassion, I thought this was a great time to get started. For the month of September, there will be weekly "assignments" where a writing prompt is given and bloggers are encouraged to write a post with the goal of getting children sponsored through their blog. Compassion has set a goal of 3,160 new online sponsorships through the month of September - hope you can join in and help reach that goal!

  
     I've been a Compassion sponsor for over 10 years and love the work they do with children and families around the world, so I thought this was a perfect fit for my blog. I want to be able to use this platform and the tiny bit of influence I have to make a positive difference in the lives of children living in poverty. So, I hope you can join me by spreading the word about Compassion and Blog Month and maybe see if you can make it work to sponsor a child (or two!). Starting today, you'll see a Compassion button in my sidebar - you can click on this at anytime to link directly to Compassion's website where you can find out more and choose a child to sponsor. I'll be sharing more about this through the month, so keep checking back!

     Also, I now have a blog Facebook page! I know that not all my Facebook friends are interested in reading the blog, so this way I can update those who do want to follow without pestering everyone else. :)

     In offline life, Tessa and I started a mom & baby stroller fitness class today. I actually won 50% off this class through a draw I entered, so I figured this was a good time to start back to some kind of workout routine. I haven't done much of anything since Tessa was born, and it definitely showed this morning! One of the leaders had a 4 week old (no, that's not a typo - she had a baby 4 WEEKS ago!!) and she kicked my butt! Definitely motivating! I didn't have my camera along, and even if I did, I was too busy trying not to die on the side of path to get any photos. Maybe I'll take it along one of these days and get a shot of what we're doing. It was a challenge this morning, but I think it'll be good and I'm looking forward to seeing my progress over the course of the class. It's also another opportunity to connect with some more moms and maybe make some new friends.

Soaking up the last days of summer before the beautiful colors of fall surround us...

     So, there you have it. I feel like I have my work cut out for me and that a couple of these things may be a bit challenging, but I'm looking forward to the challenges and excited to push myself in new ways.

     How about you? What does Fall hold for you? Any new challenges or goals you have for yourself? I would love to hear about what lies ahead and what you're most looking forward to this Fall.