Just a Teeny, Tiny Bit

     We had a pretty crazy week over here. It started last Saturday when Tessa seemed to be coming down with a cold. By Sunday afternoon she had a fever that lasted until Tuesday night. On Thursday morning, she woke up with a rash on her belly which, by Friday morning, had spread to her back, neck and parts of her face. All this during the biggest measles outbreak in our area in 16 years! Talk about panic, paranoia, worry, anxiety, fear...you name it, I felt it last week.

My heart breaks a little every time I see this picture...so sad to see her so sick!

     I've always been a worrier, long before I was a mom. I remember as a kid and teenager sometimes laying awake for hours at night thinking about one of my parents dying or me getting some terrible illness. When we first brought Tessa home from the hospital I had many anxious moments, mostly at night, where I would imagine something terrible happening to her, my husband, or me. If I let it, my imagination can run pretty wild with all kinds of what-ifs and awful scenarios. I've lost a LOT of sleep over the years due to worry, and now that I'm a mom, I expect my worry to continue to be just as bad, if not worse.

     And as I thought about it last week while caring for my sick daughter with the constant worry of measles running through my mind, I think I came to the conclusion that maybe a teeny tiny bit of worry is ok. Just a teeny tiny bit. Here's why:

• The reason I worry is because I care. I don't know if it's possible to be a parent without worrying, at least on occasion. We love our children more than anything and want only what's best for them. Obviously, we don't need worry to prove this to ourselves or anyone else, but I think worry (in small doses) is a good indicator that we deeply care about something.
• It keeps me alert and attentive. I can't count how many times I checked Tessa's temperature or looked her over for a rash last week (ok, maybe I was bordering on obsessive). I was on high alert and nothing was going to get by me. I think a little bit of worry keeps us on our toes and makes us sit up and pay attention to what's going on with our kids.
• It motivates us to action to control the things we CAN control. Why do we install locks on cupboards and put up baby gates at the top of the stairs? Because we worry about our kids getting hurt. When our kids get older, why do we teach them not to talk to weirdos at the park? Because we worry, so we do whatever we can to hopefully prevent bad things from happening.

     Of course, I know that God commands us not to worry (Matt. 6:25-34, Phil. 4:6-7), so I want to do my best to obey that and let go of my worry. But I think God also knows that, as humans, we're prone to worry. We're so quick to let the worries of life overshadow His love and goodness. That's why we're also told to give our worries to Him (Matt. 11:28-30, 1 Peter 5:7). Maybe He knows that, as humans, we're unable to fully let go of worry, all the time...that occasionally (or regularly, if you're me) it creeps back in, so He gives us a way out.

     What's the number one response I get when I tell someone I'm worried about something? "Don't worry". My husband has to tell me ALL.THE.TIME. to not worry about something or other. But, since I've never in my life been able to find the worry switch, much less turn it off, I think maybe a better response is "Don't over-worry". I think it's ok, and completely normal, to worry about things. Of course, if you're one of those people who can actually stop it, great. If you're like me and can't seem do that, it's important to learn how to manage your worry and keep it in check. Out-of-control, irrational, crippling worry is not healthy for anyone, but I think maybe, just maybe, a teeny, tiny bit of worry, kept under control and channeled in the right direction, can actually be helpful.

    I don't know, am I completely out to lunch on this? How do others deal with worry?